Altenau Paradise: Your Dream Patio Apartment in Saulgrub Awaits!
Altenau Paradise: My Dream Patio Apartment… or Just a Really, Really Nice Stay? A Review (Plus, I Got Slightly Lost Trying to Find the Spa)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from Altenau Paradise in Saulgrub, and let me tell you, it was… well, it was something. Marketing promised paradise. Did I find it? Let's just say my expectations danced with reality, and sometimes tripped over the cobblestones. But hey, that's life, right? And at least the cobblestones were probably sanitized. (More on that later.)
Accessibility: A Mixed Bag, Sadly, But…
Okay, let's be real. I'm not using a wheelchair, but I do appreciate a place that thinks about it. Altenau Paradise says they have facilities for disabled guests, which is a huge plus. They also have an elevator, which is fantastic, and the front desk is 24-hour, which is always reassuring. However, the website didn't go into specifics, so I can't definitively say how truly accessible it is. I'd recommend contacting them directly if you have specific needs.
Cleanliness & Safety: Obsessive, But in a Good Way!
Listen, in these times, a clean hotel is a must. Altenau Paradise takes this to a whole other level. The hand sanitizer stations are everywhere (literally, everywhere). They've got anti-viral cleaning products, staff trained like miniature CSI agents, and daily disinfection rituals. Honestly, I felt safer there than in my own apartment, which is currently harboring a rogue dust bunny. I'm also pretty sure they use professional-grade sanitizing services because, as I said it, they are obsessed. Seriously, these guys are so on top of hygiene, they're practically offering a degree in cleanliness. They even had individually wrapped food options - you know, that pre-packaged breakfast sausage? Perfection.
Rooms: My Patio Dream… and the Case of the Confusing Curtains
So, the main draw for me was the "Dream Patio Apartment." And you know what? The patio was dreamy! Okay, it had fantastic views. The room itself was pretty slick. Air conditioning was on point. The bed was extra long (thank goodness, I'm tall!), and the blackout curtains… well, they were almost too good. I kept waking up thinking it was still the middle of the night!
I'm going on about the curtains because there was this thing with the blinds. I spent, like, fifteen minutes wrestling with them! Eventually, I figured it out (I think!), but it did give me a moment of pure, unadulterated frustration. But hey, personal anecdote, right? It's real life! Coffee/tea maker and a mini-bar were available, but I just drank the free bottled water because… well, it's free.
Internet: Wired or Wireless? Both! (Mostly, I Think)
Free Wi-Fi in all the rooms! Yes! And, if you're old school like me and prefer a wired connection, they had that too (internet [LAN]). The Internet was good in the room, and the hotel's internet services that it provided were awesome.
Dining: Buffet Bliss and the Quest for the Perfect Schnitzel
Breakfast was included, and it was a buffet. A good one! They had everything, even Asian breakfast, which was a nice touch. Plenty of options, and a good start to the day. Of course, getting a plate of food from a buffet requires a bit of a waiting which can cause a bit of frustration. The restaurant also offered a la carte options. There were international cuisines, with Western cuisine, and Asian Cuisine.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: Spa-tastic, But a Little Lost
Okay, this is where things got interesting. Altenau Paradise has a spa. A legit spa, or so I thought! They advertised a sauna, a steam room, massages, body wraps, and the like. I was there for this! I was envisioning hours of blissful pampering.
Then… I got lost.
Seriously.
I wandered around the hotel, then outside, then back in… trying to find the spa. The signs weren't exactly crystal clear. I finally asked the concierge (bless her heart; she was genuinely helpful), and she pointed me in the general direction. Apparently, the spa is located in a separate building, or maybe it's behind the pool with the view? I don't know.
Eventually, I stumbled upon it and the receptionist directed me to the spa.
And the spa was… lovely. The pool with a view was indeed spectacular. The sauna was hot and steamy. The massage was divine. Okay, the search was a bit of an adventure, but the payoff was worth it. The spa, the sauna, the steamroom, the pool; all excellent.
For the Kids & Pets: Family-Friendly (But Don't Bring Fido)
They are family/child friendly. However, unfortunately, pets are not allowed, which is a shame, but I can see that some people might prefer a hotel without animals. However, they do have a babysitting service. And a bunch of helpful people around, ready to assist you with your kids.
Quirks, Imperfections, and Overall Vibe:
Okay, so it's not perfect. The signage could be better (seriously, the spa hunt!). And those curtains…ugh. But the overall vibe is relaxed and welcoming. The staff is genuinely friendly and helpful. The cleanliness is top-notch. The food is good. The spa, once found, is amazing.
The Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Yep, absolutely. Despite the minor hiccups, I had a fantastic time. Altenau Paradise is a solid choice for a relaxing getaway, especially if you're looking for a place that prioritizes cleanliness and has a killer spa (once you find it!). Just maybe pack a compass, and a flashlight, in case you get lost on your way! I am sure that I am going to be back again, and it's one of those places that will stick with you!
SEO & Metadata:
- Keywords: Altenau Paradise, Saulgrub, Germany, hotel review, spa, patio apartment, accessibility, clean hotel, family-friendly, spa, sauna, pool with a view, vacation, Bavarian Alps, Wi-Fi, free breakfast, restaurant.
- Meta Description: Read my honest and funny review of Altenau Paradise in Saulgrub! Find out if the dream patio apartment lived up to the hype, and hear about my epic quest to find the spa. Includes details on accessibility, cleanliness, amenities, and more!
- Title Tag: Altenau Paradise Review: Dream Patio, Spa Adventures & My Honest Take!
- Focus Keywords: Altenau Paradise Review, Saulgrub Hotel.
Alright, buckle up buttercups, 'cause we're about to dive headfirst into my German adventure. This isn't your pristine brochure-perfect itinerary, oh no. This is the raw, unfiltered, possibly slightly insane account of my time in the Bavarian Alps, complete with questionable life choices and enough caffeine to fuel a small rocket.
Destination: Blissful Apartment, Altenau (with the Patio of Dreams? We'll see…) then Saulgrub, Germany. Prepare for chaos.
Day 1: Arrival & Alpine Amusements (or, "Holy Schnitzel, It's Beautiful!")
- Morning (7:00 AM - 11:00 AM): The flight. Let's just say I’m not the best flyer. White knuckles, awkward small talk with the window seat neighbor (bless her soul, she probably thought I was having a stroke), and a desperate prayer to the airplane gods. Made it. Landed in Munich. Success! Now let’s take train to Altenau.
- Afternoon (11:00 AM - 3:00 PM): Grab the train. The scenery! Oh my freaking god, the scenery! Rolling hills, more cows than I've ever seen in my life, and a sky you can almost taste. Okay, maybe I was delirious from lack of sleep. Arrived in Altenau and met the host, Frau Müller. Sweetest older lady with eyes that could melt glaciers and a tendency to speak at the speed of a runaway freight train. Managed to decipher enough to understand 'apartment', 'key', and 'welcome, dear'. Phew.
- Evening (3:00 PM - 9:00 PM): The Blissful Apartment. It's… cozy. Okay, it's tiny, but the view from the balcony absolutely makes up for the lack of square footage. And the air is… clean. Like, ridiculously clean. Spent a good hour just standing there, breathing it in and muttering, "I'm actually here." Then the panic set in. Where's the grocery store? Do they sell beer at the grocery store? Found the local market, navigated the German language (which is basically a series of consonants with a few vowels thrown in for good measure), and emerged victorious with a bag of groceries and a suspiciously large bottle of local brew. Dinner? Uh, I ended up with a plate of instant mashed potatoes, sausages I didn’t fully recognise (could have been rabbit, who knows?), and a whole lot of beer. Started to read a book, but quickly get distracted by the view. The sky was the colour of melted gold. "This," I thought, "is the life."
- Night: Accidentally stayed up way too late, staring at the stars, which were so bright they made me feel existential. I'm pretty sure a shooting star winked at me. Or, you know, I was just tired.
Day 2: Hiking Highs (and Existential Lows)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Attempted to hike. Found a trail, which I thought was simple, turned out to be a straight-up, rocky mountain climb. Swore a lot.
- Afternoon (10:00 AM - 2:00 PM): Made it to the top! The view was absolutely breathtaking. Seriously, I may have shed a single tear of pure, unadulterated joy. Felt like I could see the whole world. Then, the existential dread kicked in. Suddenly, I was pondering the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. And all I was doing was hiking.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Downhill was easier, almost. Legs felt like jelly. Found a charming little café in town. Had a massive piece of apple strudel and a coffee. Absolutely sublime. Spent a couple of hours just watching people go by and feeling content.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Back to the apartment. Dinner? Another culinary masterpiece of instant noodles and regret.
- Night: The peace and quiet of the apartment were broken by the neighbour's dog and his weird barking which kept me up all night.
Day 3: Sauna & Soul-Searching (and Possibly Getting Naked in Public)
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Decided to embrace the local culture and visit the sauna. Okay, so I'd heard about the "no clothes" policy and the "communal bathing" thing. I'm already nervous.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Got to the sauna. The 'no clothes' thing was totally true. Spent an hour in utter bewilderment and a serious internal debate about whether my modesty was worth it. Decided I could embrace! The sauna was hot. Really hot. I emerged later feeling like a new person.
- Evening (4:00 PM - 7:00 PM): Drove the car through the local village. The whole village was stunning.
- Night: Headed straight to bed.
Day 4: Saulgrub, Here We Come! (or, "Moving Day and Mild Panic")
- Morning (9:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Checked out of the "blissful" apartment – a surprisingly emotional moment. I was actually starting to like the little place and the crazy barking dog next door! One last look at the mountains, a deep breath of that glorious air, and then…
- Rest of the day: Loaded the car and drove to the next location. The drive was beautiful.
- Evening: Arrived in Saulgrub. The new place is nice, bigger than the apartment!
- Night: Slept like a log!
Day 5: Saulgrub and Beyond (or, "The Adventure Continues! (Maybe)")
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Explored Saulgrub itself. The place is a postcard! A quiet little town with charm oozing out of every crevice. Visited a local bakery.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Decided to be spontaneous and drove to a nearby lake. The water was crystal clear. I skipped stones. I felt twenty years younger.
- Evening (3:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Had dinner in a traditional Bavarian restaurant. The food was heavy, the beer was flowing, and the atmosphere was pure gemütlichkeit (that's German for cozy, in case you haven't yet learned).
- Night: Started to plan my next trip there.
Day 6-7: Unexpected Delights & Farewell (or, "I'm Seriously Considering Staying")
- These days are a blur of more hiking, exploring, eating delicious food, and just generally soaking in the Bavarian vibe.
- Found hidden trails, discovered a stunning waterfall, and even managed to learn a few German phrases (mostly related to beer and food, naturally).
- Ended the trip with a final, lingering look at the mountains and the promise to return as soon as humanly possible.
Reflections (aka, The Rambling Conclusion)
This trip wasn't perfect. There were moments of utter frustration, times when I got lost, and several occasions where I probably ate far too much schnitzel. But it was real. It was messy. It was amazing.
I went to Germany looking for an escape, and I found something much more. I found beauty, adventure, and a whole lot of laughter. I also found out that I’m surprisingly good at climbing mountains (and drinking beer).
Germany, you have my heart. I'll be back. Possibly with a bigger suitcase and definitely with more attempts to speak German. And more instant mashed potatoes. Just kidding. (Maybe.)
Unbelievable Tuscan Escape: Belvilla by OYO, Cortona's Hidden Gem!
Altenau Paradise: Your Saulgrub Patio Apartment - Seriously, Is It Actually Paradise?! (Let's Find Out!)
Okay, let's be real. What *exactly* is an Altenau Paradise apartment? Sounds a bit… over the top.
Look, "Paradise" might be a marketing ploy. I get it. But picture this: a patio apartment in Saulgrub, tucked into the Bavarian Alps. Fresh air? Check. Stunning views? Double-check. Imagine waking up to the sun kissing the mountains, sipping coffee on your *own* patio… and maybe, just maybe, a cheeky squirrel trying to steal your croissant. (True story, almost happened to me. The squirrel, I mean, not the croissant part... though…) It's designed to be a cozy, comfortable basecamp for exploring the area. So, maybe not *literal* paradise, but damn close, at least for a week or two.
What kind of views are we talking about here? Mountains? Cows? Postcards, basically?
Mountains. Glorious, majestic, "I need to lie down and contemplate life" mountains. The kind that make you want to learn to yodel, or at least, take a really dramatic selfie. Cows? Oh, absolutely. The gentle *clanging* of cowbells is practically the soundtrack to your stay. And yes, postcard-worthy is an understatement. I saw a sunset there once that practically made me weep. Seriously. I spent an hour just staring, utterly mesmerized. Okay, maybe I had a small glass of wine involved, but still! Beauty overload. Just prepare to have your camera roll explode.
How big are these apartments? Are we talking shoebox or spacious alpine chalet?
Well, "spacious alpine chalet" is pushing it a bit. They’re not teeny-tiny, either. Think comfortable and well-designed. Enough room to spread out. You'll have a living area, a bedroom (or two, depending on the apartment), a bathroom, and a kitchen. The real draw is that *patio*. That's where you'll be spending your days. Trust me. I once tried to eat my entire lunch on the patio, and while I *almost* succeeded, the bee situation got wildly out of hand!
What's the kitchen situation like? Can I actually *cook* in there, or is it just for microwaving leftovers? (Important question!)
You can cook! They’re equipped with everything you need – pots, pans, utensils, the works. I personally made a fantastic spaghetti carbonara one night. Okay, my husband *helped*. Fine, *he* made it and I just, you know, supervised. But the point is, you can absolutely cook! There's a supermarket in the village, so you can load up on delicious local ingredients. It's a million times better than eating pre-packaged stuff every night, especially when you've got that patio beckoning you to dine al fresco!
Is it family-friendly? Are there things to do for kids? (Asking for... well, me.)
Yes! And yes! Saulgrub and the surrounding area is incredibly family-friendly. Theres are tons of hiking trails that are great for kids (even those with short legs!). And then there's lake life. If you are brave enough, the water is crystal clear. There are also play grounds and other activities. My kids loved it! There's a real sense of freedom and adventure. Plus, you're in Germany! You can eat *all* the pretzels and sausages. What kid *wouldn't* love that?
Okay, but what if it rains? Is there a backup plan?
It *does* rain in the Alps. It's a fact of life. Luckily, the apartments are cozy enough that you won’t want to spend all day in the bedroom. Each apartment has a TV, and there's also stuff to do. There are board games in some of the apartments, some have little bookshelves, and maybe there are even books. And let's be honest, rain days are perfect cuddle-up-with-hot-chocolate-and-a-good-book days, right? Or movie marathons..
How far is it from everything? Like, can I walk to get beer and pretzels? (Priorities, people!)
Walk? Well, "walk" is a relative term, isn't it? It is far enough to count as a walk, especially if you're slightly tipsy later. Saulgrub is a small village, so you can easily access a bakery, and a few restaurants (with beer!). You'll have to drive a bit further to get to bigger towns, but honestly, the proximity of everything makes it brilliant. You're remote enough to feel secluded, but close enough for convenience. That reminds me, I had the best pretzel... it was still warm.. and it was perfect!
What's the internet/Wi-Fi situation? Because, you know, gotta stay connected.
Okay, let's be real. You're not exactly going to get blazing-fast fiber optic. It's functional. It works. You can check emails, you can stream things (though maybe not in 4K). You might get a bit of buffering if everyone's online at once, or during a particularly heavy rainstorm (just kidding...mostly). But honestly? Embrace the slightly slower internet! It's a good excuse to unplug and enjoy the scenery. I actually found myself *reading* a book for the first time in ages. The horror! The joy!
Downsides? Come on, nothing's perfect. Dish the dirt!
Alright, alright, here's some truth. The apartments aren’t *brand* new, so you might see a few signs of wear and tear. Nothing major, but don’t expect pristine hotel perfection. And parking? Well, it’s there, but in a small village, and sometimes…it can be a bit tight, you know? Also, you *are* in a rural area, so you will probably hear the cowbells (I still love them). Finally, while the area is generally very safe, you know, lock your doors at night, that kind of thing.
Would you go again? Seriously, be brutally honest.
Absolutely. In a heartbeat. Even with the slightly-less-than-perfect Wi-Fi and the potential forLuxury Stay Blog
