Escape to Paradise: Black Forest Valley View Apartment in Bernau!
Escape to Paradise? More Like a Black Forest Rollercoaster: My Review of the Valley View Apartment in Bernau!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because I've just stumbled out of the Black Forest and its supposed "Paradise," the Valley View Apartment in Bernau. And let me tell you, it was a ride. This isn't your typical pristine, overly-polished hotel review. This is the raw, unfiltered truth, sprinkled with a healthy dose of "Did that really happen?"
SEO/Metadata Quick Hits (Before I lose my mind, haha):
- Keywords: Bernau, Black Forest, Valley View Apartment, Germany, Hotel Review, Spa, Sauna, Accessible, Wheelchair, Family Friendly, Restaurants, Internet, Wi-Fi, Swimming Pool, Views, Relaxation, Germany Travel, Accommodation, Hotel, Spa Hotels, Family Holidays.
- Meta Description: Unpack my hilariously honest review of the Valley View Apartment in Bernau, Germany! From breathtaking views to questionable internet (and everything in between), find out if this Black Forest escape is truly paradise, or a chaotic adventure. Accessibility, amenities, and ALL the juicy details covered!
Let's Dive In! (Deep Breath)
First off, the view. They're not lying. The Valley View Apartment does have a view. I mean, seriously, the Black Forest laid out before you like a giant, green, undulating carpet. You spend half your time just standing there, jaw agape, trying to capture it all in your camera (good luck with that, by the way!). It's breathtaking, it's Instagram-worthy, it almost makes up for the stuff that comes later.
Accessibility: The Good, The Okay, and the "Wait, What?"
Right, accessibility. This is where things get…interesting. The website claims to be wheelchair accessible. Now, I'm not in a wheelchair, but I tried to think about it. The elevators were a plus, thankfully. But the pathways… they could be a bit of a challenge. Some slopes were steeper than a politician's lie. So, "accessible" is probably more "sort of, with some effort and maybe a sherpa." On the upside, the staff were surprisingly helpful (minus the internet issues – more on that disaster later). They seemed genuinely willing to assist.
Rooms and Amenities: The Ups and Downs (Prepare Yourself)
Okay, so the apartment itself… it had potential! The rooms were spacious (yay, enough room to spread out my chaos!), and they even had a bathtub. A bathtub! That's my idea of heaven after hiking all day. They also provided the usual amenities – robes (always a win), slippers (another win), the all-important coffee/tea maker (essential survival kit).
Things I Appreciated:
- Free Wi-Fi (or so I thought! More on that EPIC FAIL later!)
- Room Service (24-hour!) – perfect for those late-night sausage and beer cravings.
- The mini-bar… well, it was stocked. I’ll leave it at that, lol.
- The Blackout curtains (saved me from a sun-induced existential crisis)
Things that tested my sanity:
- The Internet (Oh, the Internet!): Described as "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!". HA! More like "Intermittent Wi-Fi that gives up the ghost more often than my patience". I spent half my time wandering around the hallways, desperately trying to get a signal. Apparently, Internet access – LAN was available but I ain’t got a clue.
- Cleaning: Although they used "Anti-viral cleaning products" and had "Rooms sanitized between stays", the cleanliness wasn't perfect. Let's just say I found some questionable fuzz bunnies under the bed.
- The Toiletries: Mediocre. Bring your own fancy stuff. Seriously. The provided stuff was a bit… meh.
Food, Glorious Food (and the occasional miss)
Let's talk food! The restaurant situation was… varied. The buffet breakfast? Decent. The Asian breakfast option? Surprisingly good (go figure!). I even saw "Vegetarian restaurant" and "Vegetarian cuisine in restaurant", what's not to like as vegetarian? The a la carte options were a mixed bag. Some dishes were heavenly (the schnitzel!), others… well, let's just say I wished I had brought some instant noodles. The coffee/tea in the restaurant was fine, but I wasn't completely blown over.
- Dining & Drinking & Snacking Notes:
- The Poolside Bar was a nice touch for chilling out.
- Happy hour was… happy! (especially after a day of internet frustration).
- The snack bar was a lifesaver.
Spa, Sauna, and Bliss? (Maybe)
Okay, the spa! This was a highlight, but even here, there were quirks. The sauna and steam room were lovely – perfect after a long day of hiking. Pool with view? Absolutely! The outdoor pool was stunning, overlooking the forest. And the swimming pool [outdoor] was a great way to cool down. (Oh and I love a good foot bath!). I didn't spring for a body scrub or wrap, but the option was there. The "Spa/sauna" definitely had some good moments.
- Spa Anecdote: I indulged in a massage. The masseuse was lovely, but oh, the music! It was some kind of pan-flute, whale-song hybrid that just grated on my nerves after a while. I almost made a run for it, but the massage was good, so I held my tongue and endured.
Other Amenities & Stuff
- For the Kids: Family/child friendly is the right description. There seemed to be a lot of kids, and while I'm not a parent I do appreciate that. There's "Babysitting service" available.
- Additional stuff: They had "Meeting/banquet facilities" if you're the networking type, but I ignored those and headed for the hills. There was a "Gift/souvenir shop", but the items were… well, let's just say I didn't see anything I felt compelled to buy.
- Cleanliness and safety: With all the "Anti-viral cleaning products" and "Daily disinfection in common areas", I felt safe. They also have "First aid kit", and "CCTV in common areas" etc.
The "Getting Around" Bit:
The hotel offered "Airport transfer", but I came by car. There's "Car park [on-site]" (free, yay!). The "Taxi service" was good.
The Verdict? (Buckle Up! Here It Comes)
Would I recommend the Valley View Apartment? It's complicated.
The Good: The view. The spa (mostly). The spacious rooms. The overall charm.
The Bad: The internet (seriously, it's a black hole of frustration). The occasional cleaning quirks. Some of the food inconsistencies.
The Ugly (Not Really, But Worth Mentioning): The lack of some basic information on the website. It's a good place to stay, yes, but don't believe everything you read online, I recommend that to everyone.
Ultimately, if you're looking for a relaxing getaway and can tolerate a few hiccups, then the Valley View Apartment is worth considering. Just bring your own Wi-Fi hotspot, a sense of humor, and maybe a good book to read while you're trying to get your emails. Don't expect perfection. Embrace the chaos. And most importantly, enjoy the view. It's truly unforgettable.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 "Lost in the Black Forest" Stars.
Rodershausen Dream: HUGE Apartment w/ BBQ! (Germany)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn’t your grandma’s perfectly-planned itinerary. This is a messy, glorious, truth-telling, Black Forest adventure from a chaotic soul's perspective. We’re talking Bernau, baby, and I’m already dreaming of cuckoo clocks and questionable schnapps.
Bernau Black Forest: Apartment with a Valley View – The Unscheduled Schedule (Get Ready to Improvise!)
(Because, let's be honest, "scheduled" is a suggestion, not a commandment.)
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Unpacking Debacle
- Morning (or whenever I manage to drag myself out of bed after the insane flight): Arrive in Bernau-im-Schwarzwald. The train journey should be postcard-worthy, right? Mountains (hopefully no rain), quaint villages (maybe a bakery or two). Expectation: A cinematic montage of beauty. Reality: Me, battling luggage and a sudden urge for a ridiculously oversized pretzel.
- Afternoon: Check into the apartment. Valley view? YES. This better be the money shot. Hope that the key works, the lock isn't broken, and the apartment doesn't smell like a retired chain smoker's attic. Praying for clean sheets. (Because, you know, priorities).
- The Unpacking Saga: Okay, let’s be real. Unpacking is a drag. I'll take 2 hours unpacking everything! My clothes will live in a suitcase for the first three days anyway. After that, who knows? Maybe a carefully curated pile on the floor. Depends on the schnapps situation, really.
- Evening: Explore the neighborhood. The apartment owner told me about a local Gasthaus with amazing food. The first German meal of the trip and it has to be perfect! I will find it (or at least stumble across it). Hopefully, my German language skills, I've been practicing DuoLingo for 2 days, are enough to order anything.
Day 2: The Black Forest Beckons (and My Sense of Direction Gets Lost)
- Morning: Okay, "morning" might be stretching it. Let's say, "mid-morning, possibly with a headache." Coffee, obviously. Strong coffee. Then, the Great Hiking Experiment. I’m picturing myself as a fit, outdoorsy type, striding confidently through sun-dappled forests. Reality: Me, constantly consulting the map, possibly getting lost, and definitely complaining about the slight incline.
- Quirky Observation: Seriously, the signposts here are either cryptic or in German. My brain is more confused than when I hear a foreigner attempt English slang.
- Afternoon: The Hiking Debacle Continues… or maybe, I admit defeat and head for a village with actual shops. I might buy a cuckoo clock! They’re cliché, but I'm nothing if not a sucker for cliché.
- Rambling thought: I am already feeling a bit homesick but at the same time, I really do not miss home.
- Evening: Dinner at the Gasthaus. Another one! It's probably all I can manage. This time I bring a phrasebook and hope to blend a little better. Or maybe just point and smile.
- Emotional outburst: I look at the moon and realize that, for the first time this year, maybe I will not think about my job. Tonight, I am free.
Day 3: The Titisee Temptation (and Potential Tourist Overload)
- Morning: Trip to the stunning Titisee lake. I've heard it's gorgeous. Crowded, maybe, but gorgeous. I will spend time there, maybe go for a boat ride or something.
- Quirky observation: Everywhere I go, I see so many tourists with cameras! I look more like a proper tourist now, I'm excited about it!
- Afternoon: The boat ride. Now it starts! I’m half expecting to meet a family of ducks, maybe some swans. Definitely not expecting a tourist stampede. I'm hoping the water is clean.
- Rambling thought: Maybe I should buy a rubber ducky to take me places in the Black Forest. The idea feels childish, but cool.
- Evening: Back to Bernau. I might cook! Or… maybe I will hit another restaurant. The apartment will be nice after dinner.
- Emotional outburst: Maybe I will think about cooking again. This time I am certain I can make the best dinner ever.
Day 4: Schnapps, Chocolate, and The Day I Almost Bought a Goat
- Morning: The local market. I'm hoping for a farmer with genuine charm, not a vendor trying to fleece the tourists. I am looking for chocolates and some jam.
- Quirky observation: I do not know how many cute things I have seen already. Everything is amazing!
- Afternoon: The Schnapps tasting that the apartment owner recommended. I’m a lightweight, but I'm willing to be adventurous. I will probably try the different flavors and maybe get a little bit tipsy.
- Rambling thought: Will I survive?
- Evening: Dinner at the apartment, but I order food from a restaurant. I am very tired, and I have had enough for today. I will spend the rest of the day in the apartment.
- Emotional outburst: Even though I am tired, the valley view is so beautiful that it changes everything.
Day 5: Wrapping Up and the (Slightly Regretful) Souvenir Shop
- Morning: Coffee on the balcony, one last look at the valley. Maybe a final attempt at a hike. Or, more likely, a pleasant stroll to the bakery for pastries.
- Quirky Observation: I can't believe how quickly the time has gone.
- Afternoon: Souvenir shopping. This is where things get messy. I will buy way too many things. I am definitely buying a cuckoo clock. And socks.
- Rambling thought: Back home I have to decide where I'll put all these things. I hope my house is big enough!
- Evening: Pack (or, at least, begin packing). One last meal at the Gasthaus? Or a cheese and bread picnic on the balcony?
- Emotional outburst: I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!!
Day 6: Farewell. (And Promises to Return, Eventually)
- Morning: One last panoramic view. (I hope the weather will stay good!)
- Departure: Back to reality. Hopefully with a slightly clearer head (and maybe a few extra kilos from all the deliciousness). Say "auf Wiedersehen" to the Black Forest. Until next time, Bernau!
Important caveats:
- This itinerary is subject to change based on mood, the weather, and the availability of schnapps.
- Expect delays. Embrace them. They're part of the adventure.
- I am not responsible for any cuckoo clock-related purchases. Or any other questionable decisions.
- Have fun, be spontaneous, and don't be afraid to get lost! (Just maybe bring a map… and a phone battery charger.)
- And most importantly, remember to laugh at yourself. Because, trust me, there will be plenty to laugh at.
Enjoy the Black Forest! And send me pictures!
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Haaksbergen Holiday Home Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Black Forest Valley View Apartment - Ask Me Anything (Pretty Much!)
(Because, frankly, I'm STILL recovering... in a GOOD way!)
Okay, so, *Paradise*... really? Did it actually live up to the hype of the photos? Be honest!
Okay, deep breath. Let's be real. Those photos? *Gorgeous*. Did the apartment itself live up? Mostly, yes. Those sunsets? They're legit. You're up in the Black Forest, right? Picture this: swirling mists in the valleys, then BAM! Fire. Golden hour hitting the balconies. It's breathtaking. But... (and there's always a but, isn't there?) ... the photos *might* have conveniently omitted the slightly-wonky WiFi. More on THAT later, folks. Seriously, though, the view... it’s a soul-soother. I spent a solid hour just staring.
And the apartment itself? Clean, well-equipped, mostly. Definitely not a sterile, cookie-cutter hotel room. It felt… lived-in in a good way. Like someone actually *wanted* you to be comfortable, you know?
The WiFi! You mentioned it. Spill the tea. Was it a digital detox or a total tech meltdown?
Ugh, the WiFi. It was... a journey. Let's just say my attempts at streaming Netflix resulted in more buffering than watching. I’m talking dial-up levels of frustration. I actually found myself *resenting* the fact that I had a phone. I mean, I get it, you're in the Black Forest. Embrace nature. But I also needed to check emails, because, you know, LIFE.
So, digital detox? Kind of. Tech meltdown? Also, kind of. Ultimately, I learned to embrace it. I read a real book (gasp!), and actually *enjoyed* the silence. Maybe the slow connection was a blessing in disguise, forcing me to unplug. I'm gonna call it character building.
Pro Tip: Download your movies and/or embrace the serenity of a slower pace.
What was the absolute BEST thing about the apartment? And the WORST?
Okay, best thing hands down? The BALCONY. I’m a balcony person, through and through. That morning coffee, watching the sun paint the valley? Pure bliss. Evening wine, the stars popping out? Magical. It was HUGE, too; plenty of space to spread out and just... breathe.
Worst? Hmm... okay, this is nitpicky, but the drain in the shower was a bit... slow. Like, *really* slow. I'm talking ankle-deep water by the time I was done. Not ideal for a long, luxurious soak, which is what I was envisioning. BUT, it's a minor complaint in the grand scheme of things. Honestly, the positives far outweighed the negatives.
How about location? Easy to get to? Close to things?
Getting there was...an adventure, mainly because I drive. I somehow managed to miss the turn off for the road *three times*. (Blame GPS and maybe the distracting views). Once I found it (eventually!), it's a bit of a drive up winding roads, but it's SO worth it for the peace and isolation. Just plan ahead, check your route, and don't be like me and get distracted by all the cute cows and the amazing scenery! Parking was easy.
As for "close to things"... it's in the Black Forest. Things aren't *right on top of you*. But, I'd call it a good base. You're close enough to Bernau, which is lovely, and easy to reach other places like Titisee-Neustadt and Freiburg. I recommend having a car. Public transport might be a bit, shall we say, 'tricky.'
What's the kitchen situation like? Did you actually *cook*?
The kitchen was surprisingly well-equipped! Got all the basics and actually more, with a full-sized fridge, oven, microwave. I attempted to cook one night, a pasta dish, which ended in a bit of a flour-slinging situation but hey, it was fun. There weren’t, by the way, any fancy kitchen gadgets beyond the normal stuff. But who needs a Vitamix when you have a view like THAT? Local grocery stores weren't too far off.
Pro Tip: If you're not a gourmet chef, just pack some snacks, and enjoy the freedom from washing up!
Okay, so you're clearly a fan. Would you go back?
Absolutely. In a heartbeat. If the stars align, I'll be booking again soon. The whole vibe was exactly what I needed – a chance to unplug, unwind, and just be. I'd probably take a travel WiFi hotspot this time, not gonna lie but yes, I'd totally go back!
It wasn't *perfect* perfect, but it was close enough. The good vibes, the view, the peace... it was a memory maker! And that's the real measure of a vacation, isn't it?
Were there any hidden costs? Like, extra fees that popped up?
Not really. I mean, I paid for my stay, obviously, (although, it was a *very* reasonable price, in my opinion), and there was a small cleaning fee. Otherwise, everything was pretty transparent. The host was super helpful and upfront. No sneaky surprises, which I truly appreciated. You know how some places try to nickel-and-dime you? Not here. It was a refreshing change.
Bring some cash for groceries and things. And maybe, just maybe, book an extra day, because you won't want to leave.
Did you meet any of the locals? What were they like?
I did! On my adventures through the Black Forest, I would pop into local shops. The people I met were so warm and welcoming. The language barrier sometimes made things interesting I tried. I'm pretty sure I ordered the wrong thing in a bakery once (ended up with something that looked like a giant, savoury pretzel, which was delicious!), but the woman serving me just smiled and laughed. Genuine smiles. They really seemed to appreciate tourists who try, even if your German is terrible.
They're proud of their region, their food, their traditions. It's a wonderful feeling to be somewhere where people care about the place they live.
Tell me about the Black Forest cake situation! Is it as good as the hype?
Starlight Inns
