Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Home Awaits in Charming Tzummarum, Netherlands!
Escape to Paradise? More Like a Quirky Dutch Delight: My Tzummarum Adventure!
Okay, so "Escape to Paradise" is a siiiiightly optimistic name for a hotel in Tzummarum, Netherlands. But hey, marketing, right? Truthfully, my expectations, fueled by those glossy online photos, were more "charming windmill-adjacent experience" than "heavenly haven." And you know what? Tzummarum, and this place, delivered something far more interesting: a messy, beautiful, occasionally frustrating, and utterly memorable slice of Dutch life.
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- Keywords: Escape to Paradise, Tzummarum, Netherlands, Hotel Review, Accessibility, Spa, Restaurant, Wi-Fi, Dutch Experience, Wheelchair Accessible, Family Friendly, Wellness, Cleanliness, Dining, Activities, Things to do in Netherlands, Dutch Inn, Dutch Hotel, Relaxation, Car Park, Laundry Service, Room Service, Breakfast Buffet, Spa, Sauna.
- Meta Description: A brutally honest review of "Escape to Paradise" in Tzummarum, Netherlands! We dive headfirst into accessibility, the spa, the food, the quirks, and that all-important Wi-Fi! Prepare for a candid Dutch adventure.
Let's get real. I booked this place because my back decided to stage a full-blown rebellion. The promise of a spa, a sauna, and a general "relax and repair" vibe was what sold me. And let's start with the BIGGEST elephant in the room…
Accessibility - A Mixed Bag, Like Dutch Weather:
The website promised "Facilities for disabled guests." Now, I’m not in a wheelchair all the time, but my back hates stairs. The elevator was a godsend, truly. Getting to my room on a higher floor was painless. My room was decent size. The bathroom was another story. It was wheelchair accessible which, again, major points. HOWEVER…the shower situation was…interesting. The water pressure was, let's say, "delicate" and the drain seemed to have a vendetta against me. I spent a good ten minutes attempting to not flood the entire bathroom. So, while the bones were good, there's definitely room for improvement. Accessibility, a solid 6/10.
Cleanliness and Safety - Feeling Safe & Sound, Mostly:
This hotel takes cleanliness seriously. I mean, seriously. Anti-viral cleaning products: check. Room sanitization between stays: check. Daily disinfection in common areas: CHECK! The staff was on top of things, constantly wiping down surfaces and looking generally vigilant. They even had hand sanitizer available everywhere, which, in these post-pandemic times, I appreciate immensely. Staff trained in safety protocol, obviously. The smoke alarms were also working, I checked, which is important. And my room had a fire extinguisher. I feel more secure in here than in my own home! The only downside? The windows don't open easily, which is not ideal. I wanted some fresh air!
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - A Culinary Rollercoaster:
Okay, let's talk food. The breakfast buffet was the highlight, which is not a huge surprise, is it? A decent spread of bread, cheese (the Dutch love their cheese!), eggs, and coffee. The Western breakfast offerings were pretty solid. But, on one occasion, I attempted the Asian breakfast…let's just say it wasn't their forte. It tasted a bit bland. They attempted to sell me a bottle of water as well. Thankfully, they had complimentary tea in the room.
The restaurant itself… It feels a bit like an old-fashioned place, but in a way, I liked it. The a la carte in restaurant menu was a mixed bag. The soup in restaurant was surprisingly delicious! I did see a nice desserts in restaurant on the menu. The bar was quaint, with friendly staff. The poolside bar, on the other hand… non-existent. The coffee shop was the same as the restaurant's. I'm a huge fan of a good salad in restaurant, but the quality was not great. I should've gone for the Happy hour, which I sadly missed! They should change the opening times..
There was room service [24-hour], which, after my shower debacle, I considered ordering just to have someone in the vicinity. They offer vegetarian restaurant options, which is great of course!
Ways to Relax, or At Least Try:
This is where the "Paradise" part of the name comes in, I guess. I was SO looking forward to the spa. The sauna was gloriously hot and steamy. But the steamroom was okay, but nothing to write home about. The spa itself was fine; a bit bare-bones, but clean and quiet. I was really looking forward to a massage, and while it was good, it wasn’t the mind-blowing experience I was hoping for. What I did like was the foot bath - bliss after a day of walking. I never used the Fitness center and the Gym/fitness, but they were there, I assume. The Pool with view was a nice touch, even though the weather didn't always cooperate. I did manage to get a Body wrap to fix my back, and that's a BIG plus. My back is recovering now. The Body scrub, less so.
In the Room - Comforts and Quirks:
The room itself was… well, it was a room. Air conditioning was essential, given the unpredictable weather. There was a desk, which was great for writing. The bedding in my room was comfortable. Closet, coffee/tea maker, complimentary tea, daily housekeeping, desk, extra long bed, free bottled water (thank goodness!), hair dryer, in-room safe box (a must!), internet access – wireless (more on that in a second), ironing facilities (always a bonus), laptop workspace, linens, mini bar, mirror, on-demand movies (meh), private bathroom, reading light, refrigerator, satellite/cable channels, seating area, separate shower/bathtub, shower, slippers (a nice touch!), smoke detector, socket near the bed, sofa, soundproofing, telephone, toiletries, towels, umbrella, visual alarm, wake-up service, wi-fi [free] were all there.
The internet, though… OH, the internet. It was… erratic. Wi-Fi [free] was advertised, and it was free, but the speed was variable. The internet access – LAN was nonexistent. I ended up tethering off my phone more often than not. It just felt…Dutch, somehow. Additional toilet was great, but not for the rest of the family unfortunately.
Services and Conveniences – Doing Their Best:
They offered nearly everything. Air conditioning in public area, audio-visual equipment for special events, business facilities (the business center, I assume), cash withdrawal, concierge, contactless check-in/out (a lifesaver!), convenience store, currency exchange, daily housekeeping, doorman, dry cleaning, elevator, essential condiments, facilities for disabled guests (as mentioned), food delivery (a lifesaver!), gift/souvenir shop, indoor venue for special events, invoice provided, ironing service, laundry service, luggage storage, meeting/banquet facilities, meetings, meeting stationery, on-site event hosting, outdoor venue for special events, projector/LED display, safety deposit boxes, seminars, shrine, smoking area, terrace, wi-fi for special events, xerox/fax in business center. I didn't need half of them, but it's nice to know they were there.
For the Kids - Family Friendly?
My trip was solo, but I did see a few families. The website mentions the babysitting service but I didn't see it in action. There are kids facilities and kids meal available, so good on them! Again, nothing on the website, but maybe you should call them. But, I didn't come here for the kids! So, it was great.
Getting Around - Easy Peasy (Mostly):
Airport transfer was available, but I took a taxi. Bicycle parking? Of course! It's the Netherlands! Car park [free of charge] – fantastic! Car park [on-site]? It's there. Car power charging station was there! Taxi service available. Valet parking? Nope.
So, Would I Recommend Escape to Paradise? – The Verdict:
Look, it's not perfect. The internet can be a pain, the food is hit or miss, and the "paradise" label is a bit much. However, it's clean, the staff is friendly, and the location in Tzum
Escape to Italy: Luxurious Belvilla Getaway in Caserta!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we’re NOT aiming for pristine travel brochure perfection. We’re going for the messy, glorious, slightly-hungover truth of a trip from my (slightly chaotic) life, centered around Nice and a pilgrimage to Tzummarum, Netherlands. Here we go…
The Great Nice-to-Tzummarum Odyssey: A Mostly-Coherent Itinerary (Maybe)
Phase 1: Nice-ish Beginnings (aka, the "French Hustle")
Day 1: Arrival and "Ooh La La" Disappointment. (Sunday, because, let's be honest, travel never really starts on a Tuesday)
- Morning: Arrive in Nice. Sunshine! Azure water! Oh, and the sheer volume of other tourists. My internal monologue? “Alright, let’s find the damn AirBnB. And, please, please let the photos not have been entirely deceptive.” Spoiler: they were a bit. The tiny “balcony” facing a brick wall, not the sea view I was promised. Sigh.
- Afternoon: Okay fine, brick wall it is. Unpack, mentally prepare to navigate the chaos, and then the immediate panic that I don’t speak French beyond “Bonjour” and “Un croissant, s’il vous plaît.”
- Evening: Wandering the Promenade des Anglais. Trying to look "effortlessly chic" but mostly just tripping over cobblestones to the point I consider giving up on my heels. Food - Pizza slice from some street food vendor, the pizza was OK, but the people watching was phenomenal. Saw a guy balancing a stack of empty glasses on his head, and immediately, I felt more optimistic for this trip.
Day 2: Art, Anxiety, and a near-disaster with Gelato
- Morning: Morning walk to the Matisse Musuem - or at least try to find the damn place, so many streets! It’s amazing. Henri Matisse. Colors! Light! Joy! I feel inspired – and slightly intimidated by the fact that I can barely draw a stick figure.
- Afternoon: This is where things get… messy. I decide to be "cultured" and try a super fancy gelato. I order, I pay, I get my cone. It slips. Right. Into. The. Dirt. Cue internal scream. External composure (barely). I buy another. Decide to focus on the flavor and my overall survival. Decided to try and master French.
- Evening: Dinner at a crowded bistro. A glorious, messy pasta dish. A bottle of wine (because gelato trauma demands it). Listening to a guy playing the accordion. And then, the sudden realization that I have NO idea how I’m going to get to Tzummarum. Cue panic.
Day 3: Coastal Delights and Decision Paralysis.
- Morning: A hike along the coast! Beautiful, rugged, and a good reminder that I'm probably too out of shape. A truly beautiful experience.
- Afternoon: Google Maps. Trains. Flights. Rental cars. The internet is a beast of options, and I'm drowning. I needed to just "do it" - which is easier said than done. I spend hours staring at maps until my brain feels like scrambled eggs. I decide to flip a coin. Heads: Train. Tails: Flight. Heads! Okay, plan is afoot. (Tomorrow, I'm flying.)
- Evening: A final, slightly melancholic sunset over the Mediterranean. A promise to myself: I'll figure it out. And I, of course, take about an hour to actually send the email.
Phase 2: The Tzummarum Trek (aka, "Operation: Get to the Netherlands Before I Lose It")
Day 4: The Great Escape (and the Tiny, Horrifying Flight!)
- Morning: Wake up, stressed, and grab a quick, cheap breakfast from the nearby boulangerie. The flight is booked! I'm going! And then immediately start panicking about the flight. I have the most irrational fear of flying. But if I don't go, I'll never see Tzummarum.
- Afternoon: Flight to Amsterdam. It's a tiny, tiny plane. My knuckles are white as I clutch the armrests. My prayers are uttered silently. The landing is not graceful, but we're here!
- Evening: Arrive in Amsterdam (yay!). The city that everyone just seems to know how to navigate. I'm lost. A local point me to public transport.
Day 5: Amsterdam's Allure and a Train to Somewhere
- Morning: Explore Amsterdam. Honestly, it's beautiful. Canals, bikes, everything I've imagined and seen in pictures. But the city feels like a hive of organized activity. The museum is too busy, the "cute" place is too loud, I feel overwhelmed but also strangely inspired. Time to find a train.
- Afternoon: I try and figure out how to buy a bloody train ticket! This should seem simple, yet I have to ask a stranger. And then I’m sprinting to the platform because I almost missed it! I'm exhausted.
- Evening: A train trip. The landscapes change. It feels like a movie. I'm starting to breathe, and I realize, this is going to work.
Day 6: Tzummarum!! (aka, "Oh My God, I'm Here!")
- Morning: The train to Tzummarum. The closer I get, the more excited/nervous I get.
- Afternoon: I arrive in Tzummarum!!! It's… quaint. It's beautiful. The air smells of… well, I don't know what it smells of, but it's alive. The people are kind. The windmills are majestic. I immediately fall in love. I get a little lost and I ask for help, it was beautiful.
- Evening: A simple dinner in a local pub, with beer. I sit there, feeling a sense of calm I haven’t felt in years. I did it. I found it. I'm here.
(Important Note: The following days will be left open to interpretation. I'm allowing myself to wander - I think you should too.)
Days 7-10: Exploring Tzummarum and Surrounding Areas (plus: Possible Meltdowns, Discoveries, and Unexpected Awesomeness)
- Possible Activities:
- Bike riding, visiting the canals, and just absorbing the unique, slower pace of life. Getting to know the people who live here.
- Visiting the local bakery and sampling everything.
- Trying to learn Dutch (hilariously failing, but trying!).
- Getting wonderfully lost (as you do).
- Most importantly: Allowing myself to be present, to experience, and to let go of control. This is where real life, and real travel magic, happens.
- Additional Ramblings (Because We Need Them):
- I’m probably going to get horribly sunburnt.
- I might cry at some point. Maybe tears of joy, maybe tears of frustration. Who knows?
- There will undoubtedly be a language barrier mishap that ends with me accidentally ordering something ridiculous.
- I will encounter that "one moment" on this trip. That moment that's going to stay with me forever.
- Possible Activities:
Day 11-14: A Gradual Return to Reality (Maybe?)
- Maybe a detour.
- Maybe a direct flight home.
- Maybe a completely unplanned adventure.
The Moral of the Story:
This isn’t a pristine itinerary. It’s a rough sketch. It's a starting point. And, most importantly, it is a reminder that the best travel stories are the messy, imperfect ones. Embrace the chaos. Embrace the unexpected. And most of all, embrace the human experience.
Escape to Italian Paradise: Your Apecchio Farmhouse Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Tzummarum FAQs (Because Let's Be Real, You Need To Know!)
So, Tzummarum... is it REALLY paradise? Sounds suspiciously idyllic.
Okay, let's be honest. Paradise is a BIG word. And the weather in the Netherlands? Well, it's... unpredictable. I moved here thinking I'd be frolicking in fields of tulips every day. Nope. More like perpetually damp, occasionally windy. But, and this is a BIG but, there's a charm here that sneaks up on you. Think less tropical vacation, more cozy, communal fairy tale. Think… your toes might get a little wet in the grass. That is not paradise. It's reality. And reality, sometimes, is good.
What's the deal with the houses? They look amazing! Are they, you know, structurally sound?
The houses! Oh, the houses. They are gorgeous. Seriously, picture-postcard gorgeous. And yes, mostly structurally sound. Except for that one time the neighbor's cat, Mittens, managed to somehow *burrow* through the foundation of the shed next door and I swore I heard something shift in my guest room... But hey! Solid enough. And there are *so many* windows, that's one thing I love. You can see all the things! I, for one, thought it was just a bit too much, and then I put a little plant in the corner. Perfection. Just go for the inspection. Don't be like me.
How's the commute? I can't live without my Starbucks caramel macchiato.
Commute… Ha! That’s a relative term in Tzummarum. “Easy” is the word. Well, depending on your definition of easy. If you work in Amsterdam, okay, that's maybe…a bit of a journey, train, bus, and a long walk. But the train station is charming, which is a plus. Just… prepare. And the caramel macchiato situation? Let's just say you'll be getting *very* familiar with instant coffee and local bakeries. There is a bakery close by, but the croissants are always gone. Always. I once plotted to get there at 6 am just to try one, but I failed. And I'm not proud.
What about the community? Are the locals friendly? I'm not fluent in Dutch (yet!).
The locals? Yes! Mostly. They're…typically Dutch. Meaning: direct, practical, and sometimes a bit reserved. But, they’re also incredibly kind, unbelievably helpful (when you *actually* need it), and fiercely proud of their village. And honestly, the language barrier is surprisingly… not a problem. They speak English better than I speak, uh, anything. I tried to learn Dutch, I really did. The alphabet is…different. I've got a long way to go. But a smile goes a long way. And a slightly confused expression? Even further.
Seriously, what are the downsides? No place is *perfect*.
Okay, I’ll level with you. The downsides? Well, there's the… stillness. The quiet. Especially at night when the sheep are asleep, the wind is a distant whisper, and you are left with your thoughts. And it can get *dark*. Like, really dark. Also, the nearest big supermarket takes a drive unless you like cycling in the rain, which, I may mention again, happens a lot. Also, remember Mittens the cat? Things might be a bit strange. And just be prepared to stock up on groceries.
Is there anything else? I need to know *everything*.
Okay, here's the extra, the *real* deal. One more thing that you should be warned of? The *boats*. Everyone in Tzummarum seems to own a boat. Seriously. When the sun is out? Boats. When it rains? Boats with covers. When the wind is blowing? Boats. I’ve no idea where they all go, but I’ve spent so much time saying “Hey, look, another boat!” while sitting on my balcony. It is not the worst, but it's a thing. It's a *very* Dutch thing. Also... be ready to embrace the slower pace. Things move…at a different speed here. Accept it. Enjoy it. And try not to ask too many questions about Mittens.
What about the food outside of the bakery?
Okay, the food. Let's be brutally honest. It's... good. You get your fries, your bitterballen... I'm not the biggest fan of the traditional foods but some of it is delicious. But the real treasure? The seasonal stuff. Apples. Pears. Vegetables that actually taste good, you know? Fresh produce! The farmers market is a MUST. The produce is incredible and you can meet amazing people. But... the supermarket. Be prepared to cook. A lot. And learn to love cheese. Because you will.
How do I even begin?
Okay, so you're serious. You want to escape to Tzummarum. Right. Step one: Breathe. Step two: Get online. Browse the listings. Picture yourself in one of these houses, staring at the sky... Step three: Visit! Come! I was once you! And trust me, it's worth it. It can be very hard to get here. Don't forget to check the weather forecast beforehand.
Wait, what about those canals?
Ah, the canals. The waterways that crisscross the landscape. They're beautiful. In theory. In practice, they are *everywhere*. They're so picturesque! Great place to sit and watch the ducks. Great place to imagine your future life. Great place to... you know. Be careful. They can sneak up on you. They're not always clear. And after a few drinks, the edges start to get a little... wobbly. I haven't fallen in yet, but I'm not making promises.
The best part?
